What happened to "Silence = Death" and the "Policy of Truth?"

The phrase Silence Equals Death may mean nothing to you, but it sure means a lot to me. It means a lot to any gay man who survived the first decade of the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s and 1990s. The expression Silence Equals Death meant that by hiding your HIV status you were complicit in the rapid spread of the disease throughout our community. it also was used by many as a call for members of the gay community to come out of the closet and join the fight for equal rights and fair treatment under the law.

As a young man who was driven to attempt suicide rather than have his sexuality discovered by others, it meant to me that by remaining silent about my sexuality - by not being truthful about who I was to my friends and family, too - I was slowly and silently killing my very soul. Not only that, by pretending to be straight among heterosexuals and living my gay life in the shadows, I was becoming the same kind of hypocrite I grew up in the church being wary of. Those wolves in sheep's clothing who would come at my innocence, taking advantage of my own ability to understand myself and my place in the world at such a tender age.

  

For many like myself, coming out took a lot of guts, especially at a time when people were not shy about hating gay people publicly. I remember in college lots of fraternity guys wearing the popular t-shirt, "Silly faggot, dicks are for chicks". It was a slap in the face, as the core of it was understandably hilarious and touched on the 70s nostalgia that Generation X was heaving during that time, the Grunge era of the early 90s.

But the phrase and the wearing of the shirts were a passive aggressive way to voice that they as straight people were normal and gay people were abnormal. Fine, believe what you want. But it was also communicating to some that violence and verbal hate attacks against gay people was okay, even laughable.

When I chose to come out publicly at that time I was met with a lot of aggression but also some curiosity. I rose to curiosity's call and agreed to meet with fraternity members to take back the curtain on what it was like to be a gay, closeted college student in their generation. Many listened and took these messages to heart. Within a few years, the "normalization" of homosexuality fully set in, and many more people felt comfortable to come out. 

But still there are those who hide in the shadows. They do it not only because they fear the repercussions in their life, but often because there are people they love who still carry the antiquated viewpoint that homosexuality is an unspeakable sin - because if it is indeed a sin, it is the lust of homosexuality that is sinful, but in equal proportion to heterosexual lust. Not different. Not worse. But equally despisable in front of a sinless creator.

Anyway, I'm not here to preach any message. But I do want to let you know that if you do decide to be completely honest and transparent about something in your life, do not be foolish enough to believe that those who claim to stick by your side also consider you to be their equal. To many "normies", anyone they consider different is a perversion of their limited beliefs. Still, it is best, in my humble opinion, to live in honesty even if the policy of truth has burned you in the past.

NOTE: The photos used here include artwork by Keith Haring and by the Act Up movement.

BSA denies Ryan Andresen Eagle Scout award because his is gay

Ryan Andresen, Boy Scout denied his Eagle award for being gay

The Boy Scouts of America recently denied 17-year-old Californian Ryan Andresen the Eagle Scout award on the basis that he is openly gay. Based on all reports, the boy worked hard for years, showing dedication to his troop and to the organization, and to me it seems unfathomable that in 2012 this type of discrimination still exists. (Sign the petition his mom started to help change the BSA's position here.)

First, let me say, as someone who grew up in the scouting tradition and chose to leave the scouts voluntarily at 14 because I was conflicted over my burgeoning understanding of my own sexuality and the blatantly discriminatory stance of the Boy Scouts of America organization, this recent turn of events troubles me deeply. On the one hand, I feel that society is finally coming to the realization that gay people are no different than straight people. But as we push for and are winning our rightful inclusion in all aspects of the law, including marriage and adoption rights, the Boy Scouts of America is still somehow allowed to discriminate.

I started this blog because I share many of the core values of the Boy Scouts organization. I sincerely believe that the ills of the world could be solved if young people were allowed to be themselves as they pursue the challenges laid out in a learning series like the Boy Scouts merit badge curriculum. An Eagle Scout must complete a rigorous journey through 21 merit badges - 10 core merit badges and 11 of their own choosing. This blog started with my quest to complete the hiking merit badge requirements, and after nearly a year I still am stuck on finishing its final task because it is so great a fitness challenge that it has taken me this much time to work up to accomplishing it.

And this is just one badge! Can you imagine what it must feel like for Ryan Andresen right now, having completed all of this hard work only to be denied his dream because he chose to be honest with himself and the world!?!? The policy of the Boy Scouts almost seems to prefer that boys and men remain closeted and testify to the beliefs they lay out with regard to moral uprightness in order to participate. According to the Scout Law, a scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. I'm sure Ryan Andresen is all these things, and I hope his mom Karen is successful in helping him fight the Boy Scouts ruling to deny him his Eagle Scout award before the boy turns 18, the cut-off age for receiving the honor.

Meanwhile, I will continue my quest to pursue Boy Scouts merit badges simply because I recognize the value it brings me as an individual to do so. It's not to actually get the Eagle Scout award - obviously - since at 41 I'm 23 years older than the cut-off. But I will learn and grow from the experience, and that's exactly what I set out to do. In a way, every time I check off a merit badge from my list I feel it will be somehow vindicating.

Just like after 9/11 when we were told not to change the way we lived our lives because then the terrorists would win, I'm not going to let the Boy Scouts bully me, and I'm going to fight against their bullying of others. I'm going to put my voice along the likes of Eagle Scout Zach Wahls, the founder of Scouts for Equality, who is fighting for the inclusion of gays into the Boy Scouts organization. And I hope you will, too. Sign the Scouts for Equality petition here.

Watch Ryan on the Ellen show:

Boy Scouts must change to become inclusive of all

The Boy Scouts of America say they exclude gays on moral grounds. This is ridiculous for so many reasons, not the least of which is that the arguments' underlying presumption is that gay people cannot live moral lives. Beyond this morality smokescreen, however, there is something more deeply disturbing about the anti-gay policy that the Boy Scouts organization continue to promulgate. It is really nothing more than a cover for the covert indoctrination of young people by fearful adults who fight against progressive cultural change.

As a former Boy Scout I can tell you this has always troubled me. Fortunately the boys in my troop were not the kind to go around calling people "fags" or anything like that. But the leaders were a different story. I remember not being that great at some of the more "manly" activities scouts are supposed to excel in. Plus, I didn't exactly like getting sweaty or dirty - and if an activity involved both of these, forget it! While not one called me a "fag" for my aversion to things other boys thrived on, they did comment that I was "acting like a girl".

This always seemed so strange to me. I knew lots of girls who loved to get sweaty and dirty. My sister - although very feminine - was certainly one of them! The fact that they called my behavior girlish implied that my sister was acting like a boy. This just blew my mind. Perhaps I was too logical for these men.

When I dropped out of Boy Scouts when I was 14 it had nothing to do with the "moral" policy - I knew I was gay even back then, and I was quite comfortable in my ability to hide this part of who I was. Besides, I had no intention on having sex until I was married, or at least until I fell in love and was sharing my life with the man of my dreams. It was simply that the arrogant hyper-masculinity to me came of as inauthentic, almost like these men were hiding something, a loathing driven by a deeper fear of themselves as being less than what they are expected to be as men in our society.

Theirs is a rigid intolerance. But the point of this rant is not to bash the intolerant, but rather to say that the real travesty of all this is that the men who continue to deny gay men and boys the ability to participate in the Boy Scouts are doing a great disservice to us all. We need the Boy Scouts, perhaps now more than ever. The Boy Scouts has a great curriculum where boys can learn so many amazing things that aren't taught in school, or even by many parents in this busy day and age.

The Boy Scouts teaches boys to be self-directed learners, how to seek out mentors from people in the community, how to be creative when coming up with solutions to community problems and how to plan, organize and implement those solutions through community service projects.

Furthermore, Boy Scouts are encouraged to be fit-minded. They are taught to respect their bodies and their minds, and not to pollute them with things that will cause harm to themselves or to others. In this age where childhood obesity is being talked about as an epidemic poised to topple our already crippled healthcare system and irrevocably damage our ability as a country to defend ourselves, we need the Boy Scouts to be inclusive, because by remaining exclusive they are acting in ways that defy the intention of the organization altogether. The model of building up fit boys for the future of our country must be salvaged, wrestled away from the bigots for the common good!

Let's not forget that, according to the Boy Scout Oath, a scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. These qualities are not reserved for straight folks. In fact, they are not reserved for any of us. We must each choose to strive to be these things every day - regardless of sexual orientation or any other determining factor for that matter!

For those of you who wonder why, in light of the Boy Scouts of America's continuing prejudice against gays, I would continue to align this blog with the mission of the Boy Scouts, pursuing the merit badges I missed out on when I dropped out the Boy Scouts organization sometime during my early teen years, please know this: I will not let anyone keep me down, and I will not back away from the challenge of becoming the best man I can be just because someone says I am not "morally" fit to do so. I am committed to living my life as a man of merit today and everyday - and I'm not going to let a few, narrow-minded traditionalists at the top of the Boy Scouts organization push me out again. 

Just like Gandhi said: "First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win."

As always thanks for reading, sharing and tweeting!